by Christamar Varicella
Dinosaur Ghost is now available for free as a pdf!
Helen tossed her keys on the
kitchen counter and stared down at a stack of mail. One letter in particular
stood above the rest--the top one.
“That you, Babe?” her boyfriend
James asked from the living room. He was
sitting on the couch watching a football game.
“Um,” Helen mumbled. She honed in on the letter. She picked it up, studied the return address:
Harlington University. This is it, she thought. I’ll
finally learn whether or not I’m going to become a paleontologist.
Her mind traveled back in time to
the interview. That was the hardest part
of the whole application process. That
and shaking the $25 application fee out of James. She never understood why she did so poorly in
interviews. Maybe it had something to do
with the way she nervously smacked her gums when questioned, or how she called
everyone, “Bubba.” She got along fine
with people when she avoided talking to them, but whenever she was put in the
same room with other human beings, her intelligence and poise seemed to slip
away.
She waited through the awkward
silence as Dr. Bellingham studied her application.
“It says here that you already
have an advanced degree.”
Helen smacked her gums and
smiled. “You got that right, Bubba.”
“According to your transcript, you
have a masters degree in something called paranormal psychology.”
“Yep.” She smacked her gums again. So far, this was going pretty well.
“And did you get your degree from
watching the movie Ghostbusters?”
Helen thought she detected a hint
of sarcasm in Dr. Bellingham’s voice.
“Um no, it was a standard matriculation.”
Dr. Bellingham put down the
transcript and peered at Helen over the top of her glasses. “Ms. Fonzarelli, why do you want to study
paleontology?”
Helen thought about the
question. “Well, I guess I want to know
why the dinosaurs went extinct.”
“But you are aware of existing evidence
suggesting an asteroid, or perhaps even a comet, crashed into the Earth,
sending up a cloud of dust that...”
“I just don’t think an asteroid would
be big enough to squash all those dinosaurs.
It must have been something else.”
“I think you misunderstand. The asteroid did not crush the
dinosaurs. It sent up a massive cloud of
dust that blocked out the sun and made life impossible. That is the likeliest cause of extinction.”
But Helen wasn’t listening. She waited until Dr. Bellingham finished
talking and then responded, “I just don’t believe it.”
This is going great, she told herself.
Back in the present (which has since
passed), she ripped open the letter.
“Dang it,” she said, balling up
the paper and throwing it into the trash can.
“It’s just another ‘Cease and Desist’ order. I don’t know why they won’t tell me whether I
made it into the program. Maybe I should
write them another email... or call them again.
Honey, what do you think?”
James took a sip of his beer and
continued watching the game. “I don’t
know why you want to get some liberal education when you can sit around here
looking pretty.” He let out a gigantic
belch and then added, “and working full-time.”
“We will be together forever,
won’t we?” Helen said. She was so happy to have James in her life,
even if he was a republican.
“Either that, or until one of us
dies, or you get fat, or I get bored of you,” he said. He crushed the empty can on his forehead and
fired it across the room, where it bounced off the trash can and landed on the
floor. “Two points,” he said.
“Oh James,” she said, jumping into
his lap.
“That’s my name, don’t wear it
out,” James said. Without taking his
eyes off of the game, he reached around her body with both hands and squeezed
her butt cheeks.
I don’t care if I don’t get into that stupid old program, Helen
thought. My life is still perfect.
