Dear
MSNBC,
I’m
going to be honest with you, I haven’t watched any of your programming since
2008 because, well, WE WON!!!! Woo Hoo! OBAMA! OBAMA! OBAMA!
After
that, I disengaged in politics because it seemed to me that a complete and
total liberal victory in all of the partisan battles was a foregone conclusion.
Universal
Healthcare through a single payer system: DONE.
Guantanamo
Bay: CLOSED.
Violence
and War: ENDED.
Abortion:
FREE FOR EVERYONE.
Don’t
tell me if I’m wrong about any of that.
I hate spoilers.
So
anyhoo, how’s Keith Olbermann doing? Is
he still sticking it to those corporate fat cats?
Listen,
as a fellow liberal I wanted to cut you in on something that CNN and FOX NEWS have already jumped all over--I’m
talking about Dinosaur Ghosts.
DINOSAUR GHOSTS ARE REAL AND THEY’RE
EATING REPUBLICANS!
I
know. You should be all over this
story.
But
listen. We have to proceed carefully
with this one lest the right wing reaction machine react by trying to pin the
latest spate of attacks on you. You’ll
need to stick to the facts.
Here
are the facts:
1)
Dinosaur Ghosts crashed an NRA meeting, resulting in a number of self-inflicted
gunshot wounds.
2)
Dinosaur Ghosts incinerated a popular television pundit through the power of flatulence.
3)
Dinosaur Ghosts desecrated a creationist
museum.
4)
Dinosaur Ghosts consumed the right wing of the Supreme
Court.
5)
Other stuff.
Now,
once you start ticking off these factualities during regular programming,
things are likely to get pretty hot. But
your network can cool it down with your level-headed coolness of head.
But
you better get going. As we speak, FOX NEWS is preparing to use this information to
scare the elephant
doo out of its loyal viewers. Your
loyal viewer(s) need(s) you to counteract the madness with some good old
fashioned madness of your own.
Now,
go get to work!
Oh,
and tell that boy who looks like Rachel Maddow I said hi. Also, tell Rachel Maddow I said hi.
Yours
in Christ(amar Varicella),
Christamar
Varicella
Why not learn more about the issue of Dinosaur Ghosts by reading An Open Letter to Thomas Pynchon, An Open Letter to Cormac McCarthy, and/or An Open Letter to Jonathan Franzen or by reading the book Dinosaur Ghost
