Three Alternative Theories for Road Kill

by Al Butterman

Sure, logic and intuition tells us that all those squished raccoons and possums and things we see by the side of the road were simple auto accidents, but isn’t it possible that other, funnier, reasons exist for the untimely demise of all those cute little critters?  I for one think so, and here are a few possibilities:

1) Suicide

It’s happened to all of us.  We’re running late for work or church or something, flying down the highway with reckless abandon, when suddenly a cute little squirrel ventures out into the road.  It stops, whiskers twitching as if contemplating our rapid approach. We prepare to brake, screaming, “Look out, little squirrel.  Run! Save yourself!”  Or perhaps a more direct, “Get the f*** out of the road!”  In any event, the cute little guy turns around scampers a few feet toward safety, and then, just as we start to breathe a sigh of relief, he turns around again and launches himself under our front tire.

TDB Classic: A Curious Incident at the Monkey House

It's not often we feature poetry at the Daily Brass, but we still don't have anything else to post, so here's one by Christamar Varicella.

A Curious Incident at the Monkey House

by

Christamar Varicella

Not long ago in a town close to you,

A boy and his mother went to the zoo.

The child he was keen on riling the beasts

by pelting their heads with rock candy treats. 

TDB's Greatest Hits Volume 1: You Think You Know Tough?

Even though it’s the beginning of the new year, we, the editors of the Daily Brass, have already run out of ideas.  Therefore, we’ve decided to spend the next few weeks highlighting a few underappreciated pieces that we believe deserve a second glance.

First up: Al Butterman’s seminal essay on toughness.  We feel it has a lot to teach us about what it means to be a man.  Enjoy.

Frank McCrackin was the toughest S.O.B. I've ever known. He was the only person ever to serve in the Army Rangers, the Navy Seals, and the Marine Corp Show Choir all at the same time. He served two tours of duty in Korea, three tours in Vietnam, and four tours in Disney on Ice. He played Goofy, the toughest S.O.B. in the magic kingdom.