Dinosaur Ghost is now available for free as a pdf!
Dinosaur Ghost
By JK Beatman
Published by The Daily Brass
Reviewed by Al Butterman
Never before have I observed such an overt display of liberal propaganda as I did in JK Beatman’s so-called Sci-Fi parody, Dinosaur Ghost. The plot is completely preposterous. If you haven't read it, it goes like this: dinosaurs come back from extinction to eat republicans for their skepticism of global warming and their lack of tolerance of gay marriage. Seriously? Is this what liberals are reduced to writing about these days? If so, you'll forgive me if I stick to Ayn Rand.
To insinuate that conservative republicans deserve to be incinerated by dinosaur farts, as Beatman does in chapter three, is utterly astounding. Does he really think republicans deserve to die for having a different belief system than the effete author? If so, he deserves to be locked up for thought crimes against humanity! And if he doesn't, why do I think he does?
Also, I found Beatman's depictions of gay dinosaurs utterly implausible. I'm pretty sure gay marriage did not cause the extinction of the dinosaurs. It is far more likely that God saw the dinosaurs from up in heaven and decided to kill them with a giant rock.
And anyway, I never understood what the dinosaur ghosts were so mad about. If I was a dinosaur ghost, I wouldn't care if my fossils fueled gas guzzling SUVs. I would be elated to know that I was continuing to serve a purpose. I would want to live on in others’ (cars) and know that my body was fueling a newer and more vibrant species. Isn’t it a rule of science that matter can neither be created nor destroyed, but can only be converted into other forms (liquids, gases)? If so, it's not like the dinosaurs ever really left us. They are still here. And for that their ghosts should feel grateful. Nay, they should feel elated to give back to the planet that once provided them with such delectable delicacies as prehistoric jungle plants and the occasional taste of Australopithecus.
“Roar,” I’d say if I was a dinosaur ghost, and by that I would mean, “Go on. Use my remains to further your financial interests. You have my blessing!”
In a way the carbon gases trapping heat in the atmosphere and thereby warming the planet and changing the climate unalterably is a monument to the dinosaur ghosts, a testament to their usefulness. Millions of years after nature selected them for extinction, man has selected dinosaur remains for processing and burning. They give us light, heat, and mobility. I think the dinosaur ghosts, if they existed, would urge us to keep going, to use them up until the earth runs out of oil or becomes uninhabitable, whichever comes first. It’s the least we can do to honor their contribution to our planet’s energy needs.
The dinosaur ghosts have no reason to haunt us. We honor them for their sacrifice, and to them I say, “Thank you, Dinosaur Ghosts, big and small, predator and prey alike, and thank you for all you have done for us.”
P.S. And another thing I didn't like was how the author combined the science fiction book with a romance novel and how the lead character in that other novel have sex with one of the dinosaur ghosts. I found that whole sequence reprehensible, and I read it three times to document the number of outrages. There was only the one, but it was a pretty big outrage.
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